My Plans

I was created for something greater. No more (no more status-quo)--taking the ordinary and making it into something great is God's way of getting glory (although, he didn't create anything ordinary anyway). God created something in each one of us that is amazing. It needs to be unearthed. Some have had others stomp the seed far into the ground. There is no excuse to stay there. (Seeds don't grow well in the dark.) Some may have been planted in dry ground. There is no excuse not to grow. (Seeds don't grow well in hard earth.)

God is bigger than any circumstance that we have ever faced. He is bigger than those that have tried to stomp our dreams or quench our thirst for more. God is bigger. (Strangely enough, He's got the whole world in his hands is playing in the background right now...He really does!) I get lost in his bigness, in his magnitude--and forget about drawing in close to his heart. If his being expanses infinitely in all directions, I cannot grasp it. But, if I can just just draw in, just get in close enough to be in his heart--that's where I can dive in deep and stay focused, move in rhythm with his heartbeat.

If the something greater is great in my mind--how much greater is it really in God's plans, if they are higher than mine, he holds all time and is in control of everything--it just takes my breath away that he would have intricate details planned out for my life. Why do I choose not to trust him--to strive for my own greatness instead of striving to be closer to his heart? If I could just sit still in it and listen--stop making my own plans and let this heartbeat become my own, be so intimately close that our breath is the same...

Then I wouldn't be so focused on making great and wonderful plans for my life; I'd be focused on the Great and the Wonderful who is my life.

Unspoken Words of Wisdom from a Friend

One of my favorite things in life is connecting with friends that I haven't seen in awhile. There is something so powerful about the human one to one connection that I think amplifies with elapsed time. Connections like this can open our eyes and make us realize things we never would have had the meeting never occurred.

I met with a friend tonight that I hadn't seen in a couple of months and she opened my eyes to something I didn't even realize they had been closed to. So much lately it seems like I've been [putting up with] God's faithfulness. It's as if I know God is faithful and he'll do what he'll do, but I'm just getting by with that. It hasn't been something that has excited me in...awhile. When I was talking to this friend tonight, she told me how she wasn't sure about how several situations were going to end up, but she was excited to see how God was going to work them out. I could sense the holy spirit quickening in me---I have been lacking enthusiasm in the works of God! Instead of being grateful and excited about all that he has in store for me that I don't know yet, I've been allowing myself to grow anxious about "what's next". And while I've tried to focus on just being where I am, which is good, I have not been really enjoying every day for God. Perhaps if I began to really meditate on the goodness of God and things done past, I would get a present excitement and a greater sense of anticipation for things to come...?

I am so not great

I am at a loss.

I want there to be less of me.
I am so sick of the focus being on me.
and sick that still I like it when it is

moving forward requires not staying where I am
which is good
I'm sick of where I am, too.

How did I lose focus?
When did this start?
When will it end?

is it possible to return
but to surpass "before"
move into something new

JOY.
did it run away with my focus?
I want them back

PRAISE the lord
praise THE lord
praise the LORD